Failed disbarred lawyer, fraudster, and sad human of a man Michael Cohen has a new book.
In the pantheon of sleaze, populated by figures such as Creepy Porn Lawyer Michael Avenatti, political fantasy writer Michael Wolff, Jeffery “Likes ‘Em Young” Epstein, Kathy Griffith (why not?), and the entire cast of CNN, the great Michael Cohen stands head and shoulders above the rest as a human trashbag of epic proportions.
Let’s take a spin back in history to see where this all began…
Prior to entering the Trump orbit, Mr. Cohen’s career is remarkable only for its unremarkableness. Like a good Democrat, Mr. Cohen appears to have interned for Michael Dukakis’ failed presidential run in 1988. After graduating from law school in the early 1990s, Mr. Cohen realized his true calling as a budding sleazemonger and began practicing personal injury law in New York.
In 2003, registered Democrat Michael Cohen made a failed run for the New York City Council. As part of his financial disclosures, Mr. Cohen reported himself as co-owner of Taxi Funding Corp. and a fleet of New York City taxicabs numbering over 200. The New York City taxi business is notoriously corrupt.
It wasn’t until the early 2000s that Mr. Cohen connected with Donald J. Trump. Flunkie Cohen got one look at his reflection in the gold-plated Trump Tower elevator and felt his stomach grumble with a hunger for a piece of the Trump empire. Mr. Cohen then made a series of moves to ingratiate himself and gain closer proximity to Trump, including buying condos in Trump properties and reading the Art of the Deal (Twice!, he would tell Mr. Trump).
In 2006, the Trump Organization hired Michael Cohen, where he served as then-civilian businessman Donald J. Trump’s personal attorney and worked on behalf of the Trump Organization’s many enterprises. 2006 to 2016 marked a decade of a happy marriage between Donald J. Trump and Michael Cohen, as far as things are “happy” and totally not chaotic in Trump World, with errand boy Mr. Cohen doing the dirty leg work of Mr. Trump’s business exploits.
Then came the 2016 election. And Hilary’s emails. And Russiagate. And Stormy Daniels. And the Access Hollywood tape. And every other piece of spaghetti the left-wing media and their undernourished stepchildren in the Democratic Party threw against the wall in hopes something would stick and sink Donald J. Trump’s chance at the presidency.
Somewhere between 2016 and the little fishing expedition known as the Mueller Investigation, Mr. Cohen got greedy and lost his way. He turned on President Trump.
Mr. Cohen could appropriately be called many names – slimebag, scuzzbucket, grifter, con artist, a degenerate, inveterate liar, sleazeball, human stain, rat – but no one would make the mistake of calling him smart. Here’s an excerpt from Mr. Cohen’s new book:
“From golden showers in a sex club in Vegas to tax fraud, to deals with corrupt officials from the former Soviet Union, to catch and kill conspiracies to silence Trump’s clandestine lovers, I wasn’t just a witness to the president’s rise—I was an active and eager participant.”
All of which, of course, are lies.
The full title of Mr. Cohen’s new book is “Disloyal: The True Story of the Former Personal Attorney to President Donald J Trump.” In the psychology business, we call that a Freudian slip. Is there anything more disloyal than breaking the trust and confidence of the President of the United States? Is there anything more disloyal than spreading lurid lies about someone who took you from a bum personal injury lawyer to a Trump Organization power player in New York City?
The “SHOCKING” claims Mr. Cohen makes in his book are all thoroughly discredited by bi-partisan federal investigations. Many of Mr. Cohen’s ludicrous fabrications are recycled trash from the steaming pile of lies that is the infamous “Steele Dossier” (i.e., the intel report bought and paid for by the Hillary Clinton campaign and the source material used for the FISA warrants to eavesdrop on President Trump’s 2016 campaign). Then again, no one ever accused Mr. Cohen of being original.
It’s safe to say that if Mr. Cohen’s mouth is moving he’s lying. Mr. Cohen is thoroughly discredited as a witness, pleading guilty to lying to Congress in 2018. More, Mr. Cohen is thoroughly discredited as a person of basic morals, scraping ever lower into the gutter of human existence in search of a payday. The fact is that Michael Cohen can’t stop lying – and frankly, he needs the money. He has legal bills to pay.